Okay, Okay...I know what people are thinking: My last entry is pretty messed up. (I guess I'm like a piece of "broken" glass...and that was a jagged side coming through)

Although, in my own defense: Yesterday I hit an all time low.

I'm can't help it either.

Meanwhile, I scare my ownself sometimes because somedays it seems as though I want to play Russian Roulette - and I have to admitt, I have a fascination with suicide lately. The danger to that is: Sometimes, I come far too close.

Anyone who thinks they know me (in real life) doesn't see this part of me. I'm very good at masquerading. I guess it just really goes to show that you really never know a person.

I meant what I said though: It does seem like nobody cares...like I am alone...like God has forsaken me...like I'm being punished for something I never done...like I'm just a piece of meat to someone else (and everytime they come close, my skin CRAWLS!!!!!)

I wonder... In the Bible, what did the blemish lambs feel like when they were rejected? (Afterall, a lamb had to be without spot or blemish to be used as an offering to God...) Well, I'm certainly not without blemish. (So I guess that makes me the next jerk's "meal"!)

Now, I have a guilt trip.

'Cause inside, I know the difference...I shouldn't be acting this way. I shouldn't be feeding off anger...I shouldn't feel like this...

Where's the Sunday School lesson - where has that dissapeared? and WHY does this sort of thing happen anyway?

...too many questions.

broken.